These Words shared by A Dad Which Saved Us during my time as a New Parent

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for a year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the actual experience rapidly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The direct words "You're not in a good spot. You must get support. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more comfortable discussing the strain on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a broader reluctance to talk amongst men, who still internalise negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It's not a sign of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a pause - spending a couple of days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has changed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son better understand the expression of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "terrible actions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a family member, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be going for a run, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the optimal method you can support your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, changed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my job is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."